I Will, I Will, I Will.

Dear Daddy,

Happy  1^st Father’s Day in Heaven.  I went by your final resting place at 7:00 this morning.  I carried over some flowers that Rosa and I worked together to make.  I wrote you a card and placed it in the galvanized tub in a baggie, so that you or others could enjoy it as they go to visit their daddies today after church.  I sat and talked to you about anything and everything.  I felt so very at peace, but still so very troubled at the same time.

Call me selfish, but I wish I could see you again.  I wish I could wrap my arms around your neck and give you the biggest bear hug possible.  I wish we could sit down together with your tablet and search for the quickest route to our beach house this summer in OKI.  I wish I could call on you to help me wash and wax my car.  I wish I could load you up with me in two weeks and take you to Kentucky to see Cruz work.  That was going to be your Father’s Day gift.  I wish I could have taken you to see a WS Dash game.  I wish we could have taken another mini road trip to Martinsville in March. I wish, I wish, I wish.

But Daddy, you taught me differently.  You taught me to go for things, and to work hard to obtain what I want. So, I visit you, I talk to you and I keep in touch.  I pray for you every Sunday in church with Rosa and Ronnie and I think about you daily, knowing that every sun ray through the clouds is truly a sign you are saying “Hello Young Lady, I’m okay  Don’t worry about your “Old Dad!”  I drive your truck once a week, and Cruz drives it the other days.  I hop on the old ‘89 Honda 300 Fourtrax fourwheeler and run my poor dogs ragged going back and forth from the house to the pond…just like we used to.  I keep going, because that’s what you’d want me to do.  You’d want me to do my best and to make you proud, and I will always do that for you and in your honor.

So keep on the lookout, Daddy.  Today, I take my bridal portraits.  I’m using some of your belongings to keep your memory close to me and close to my heart.  I hope that’s okay.  I am still loading up for Kentucky in a few weeks.  I get to spend the weekend with Bobby and we get to go to the pits to see Cruz gas the car.  I will use the summer to take care of your house, because I know you worked as hard as you could while you were here on Earth to make it a home for Bobby and I to live and grow up in.  I will, I will, I will.

I love you.

 

2 months. 60 days.

Since my Daddy left this Earth.

Some days are hard.

Some days are bearable.

Some days I feel lost, empty and afraid.

Some days I feel complete, full of life and carry a smile on my face.

As most of my 2 readers know, this past week has been the epitome of my job...the BIGGEST, most important week...EOG week.

I realized that after Daddy passed, he was the one that I and shared my happiness with.  He was the one I called and shared my defeats with.  He was the one who would say "Hello young Lady!" when I would call and would just make me feel better, no matter my concern.

Yesterday morning, I knew that no matter what happened, the last day of the EOG ...everything was going to be okay. Daddy was there.

I love you.